I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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