nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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