ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I checked into jail on foursquare
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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