i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
