She said her name was "party"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
