I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
