Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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