I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
