If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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