I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
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I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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