Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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