You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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