I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
