why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
