Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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