addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
