i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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