So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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