I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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