Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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