pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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