we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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