I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
