the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
