Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will pee on everything he values.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
