One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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