I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
