next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you have feelings for this penis?