I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.