Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it