we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
