he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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