Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think people are normalizing furries
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"