I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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