her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.