We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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