if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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