another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
