once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
