So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
