She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Randomize
