Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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