Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
