Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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