corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
