The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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