Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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