We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
