I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
