Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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