Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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