I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
