Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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