he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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