Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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