i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
