So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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