Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
