oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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