Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
