I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
