just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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