Soap is not a condiment
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
