matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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