is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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