Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
