Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
