just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
