You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
bring money and cleavage
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bring me that man meat
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
