I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
