im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
