My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
