His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
